que sera sera, whatever will be will be, the future's not ours to see

lemontree is chasing harry winston. lemontree went to khan market with oil in her hair. lemontree wants her sitcom back. lemontree is dealing with the next five - one at a time. lemontree is looking for a sign. lemontree likes the sound of fatum. lemontree is on a flight with deepika pudokone - she is not that tall. lemontree's cell died on her. - she missed the call - everything happens for a reason. lemontree is thinking goa, singapore or the us of a. lemontree is fighting addiction. lemontree is enjoying sunday with her little brother. lemontree is connecting the dots. lemontree is looking for her lenses. lemontree is living on a prayer.

wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin', plannin' and dreamin'

since it's that time of the year when everyone is in high spirits and you can actually feel the hope not just outside but even inside of you i thought of making a few wishes

i wish for a little bit of music
i wish i discover some favourite books
i wish for shona a bundle of blue
i wish for ananya memories of pink
i wish for additions to my fun vocabulory
i wish to temper my enthusiasm with grace
i wish to become friends with the scale
i wish to redefine the scale
i wish to find my eluding someone
i wish i discover another world
i wish for myself self respect
and i wish i don't let it come in the way of family, friends and love

unbelievable sights, indescribable feeling, soaring, tumbling, freewheeling... a whole new world

It's been a while since Quicksilver and Iris both tagged me to write 8 random facts about me. And since I am back to blogging and enjoying it and am motivated by Pink's take on the same let me not waste anymore time .

To begin with let me proclaim Quicksilver and Iris as Queen of the Universe. And now the 8 facts.

1) I cannot file and paint my nails on my own. I need expert help.

2) I cannot cannot wait on a traffic light. Red/ Yellow/ Green, Cop/ No Cop I just have to go.

3) I am extremely shallow in my choice of men. I like the good looking ones. They make me feel like a girl.

4) I am completely weight corrupted. I cannot eat chole bhature without guilt.

5) I am not extremely fond of dogs and kids. Only Warney and Ananya.

6) I feel completely lost and vulnerable if I don't have a book to read and a cd to watch. No such thing with music.

7) 4 out of 5 times I would wear lipstick and remove it.

8) I cannot remember ways and my spellings suck.

What I mean :

1) My sister spoilt me growing up. She always painted my nails. And now I have to pay.

2) I am extremely patient otherwise.

3) I am thinking about the children.

4) Somebody please order chole bhature for lunch.

5) I would love you, if you are mine.

6) I cannot admit to being dependent on people. Only inanimate objects.

7) And that is the intended look.

8) Thank god for spell check.

Then there were doors that wouldn't open unless in you asked politely, or tickled them in exactly the right place, and doors that weren't doors at all

56 days back I turned 30. Which essentially means that I have nothing more to fear and that this post is way overdue. Last year I had made some wishes (six to be exact). Here's an update on what unfolded. And yes I am keeping score.

The sense of freedom to push the limits and do some completely wild things
This is where I surprised myself the most. The wild thing I had in mind was replaced for a completely different wilder thing. Of all the things that money can buy, this is the very best.

The curiosity to explore a new interest
I think I should reword it as the confidence to explore a new dimension. And for the first time all my networking profiles are complete with pictures. ( I know silly old me)

The will power to stand the test of time and change that one thing
When I wrote this I really meant two things. One was to find the new equilibrium in an old defining friendship. Balance has been restored and a new enjoyable equation is in order.
The other was to win my fourteen-year-old battle with the bulge. The battle continues and will probably join me in my grave, but I think it can be said that a few rounds have definitely been declared in my favor.

Restfulness in spirit to enjoy some moments of self sought solitude
No complaints on this count

The innocence/ experience to trust family and friendships blindly
Even better has been the experience of seeing things for what they are, staring them in the face and loving them with eyes wide open

A personal witness to everything in life- the good things, the bad things, the special, the mundane
And while I still await my frog, there is a newfound enthusiasm for discovering a few princes on the way

Lemontree

Mostly unreasonable & generally happy

You've already won me over in spite of me, And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet

I love having endless cups of tea in office. I like having a cup right after lunch. Sometimes I feel guilty and switch to coffee, just to give Madan (the office boy) more variety.

Have being having a busy and fun time. The other day in the middle of the hustle bustle, a long lost cousin, whom I was never particularly close to called and downloaded. Was having some trouble and wanted an ear, a shoulder and a heart. I was willing to drop everything and be there. Learnt an important lesson. So many times we feel all alone. And very lonely. And really all we have to do is ask for help- pick up the phone and call. Ironically, amongst the hardest things to do for most of us is to make that call.

Extra ordinary people are completely capable of having ordinary needs. Unreasonable requests come from reasonable people.

The picture above has been captured by Taraa. You can read her at www.randomangst.blogspot.com. T, I couldn't wait. Hope it's ok.

From the archives

The other day I was asked if you were dependent on me. And my immediate response was 'yes, ofcourse, sure.'

And now I, 'the independent one' reflect. When I miss: my advisory role, from career direction to word selection, my constantly being on standby 'just incase' and my imagined veto power on your any and every deicison. Did I, the person who subtly gaurded her independence, not become the one more dependent. Dependent on your dependence.

Or else you're alone and then you suddenly dig, You're looking in someones eyes, you suddenly realize that this could be the start of something big

This pretty much sets the tone for 2007. I was visiting didi in the states December end and woke up to the start of an awesome 2007, and I have been feeling like I am walking a feet or two above the ground since. The world seems like a really nice place with nice people. No guys, I am not in love nor have I found that significant someone. Nothings really changed. (Sidenote: Except for a new laptop - read macbook ) But I am back. To a new beginning.

The US trip was complete with a wedding, trailers to the happy married life, a day in NYC by myself (which included watching mamma mia), and a basketball game.

This update could have alternately be titled "I show you.." . This title lost by a very small margin, basically for the sake of continuity, of having song titles/lyrics as blog titles (In case you hadn't notice). Ananya, my two year old niece, when I would be trying to help her with something- anything, would try and take it away from me and repeat "I show you, I show you..." . This whiny request would get louder and could even become a scream. Now whenever the gym instructor is teaching me a new exercise and I am short of patience, or I want to explain exactly where to find the phone book setting on the motorazr, I continue to nod my head and follow through, but somewhere I can loudly hear the two and a half year old child within me screaming out impatiently and with all honesty, "I show you..."

Cheers to that and to 2007!

And hey , thanks for insisting I write. Feeling good.

and all that is gone and all that's to come and everything under the sun is in tune, but the sun is eclipsed by the moon

In the middle of an illness, a sealing and a conference, Rajan got engaged. To Isha. A studio was set up at the venue for photograph portfolios to get done. It was fun to watch and tease the just-met-a-month-back couple as they got themselves clicked. Their joy, excitement and enthusiasm was obvious in spite of being veiled by consciousness and discretion. Through the evening they played to each others expectations while using each opportunity to guess the limit. To test and know what was acceptable and what was not. Stretching the joke and hoping the other doesn't take offence.

And then in the same studio, Rajan's maternal grand parents, Mr & Mrs Jain decided to get photographed. The joy, excitement and enthusiasm here was derived from pride- pride which comes from being together. Pride which showed through their eyes and their body language as they stood tall before the camera. The discretion still existed. But the boundaries were well known and accepted. There was comfort and there was security. And it wasn't at the cost of anything else.

Both these couples, were not reluctant to celebrate their special someone's. To congratulate themselves on being most fortunate. Touchwood.

In the midst of the action, I was quite under the weather, physically and otherwise. Met Ruchika for lunch. And she gave me clear, unclouded perspective and advice. And she did so, so subtly and discretely that I actually bought into it. And now it feels like Christmas!

Because the greatest love of all is happening to me, I found the greatest love of all inside of me

At a conference dinner, the other day, I spotted a matchstick box with a colleague/ friend, R. The matchbox was branded ‘Delhi’ and I thought it was really cool, and felt even cooler about myself for having noticed how cool it was. I asked R to give it to me once it was empty. R immediately removed all the matchsticks put them in the ashtray and gave me the now empty match box. And this made me
feel like blogging.

At the same conference I discovered a branding concept with real relevance to personal life. Did I say I truly enjoy these things! The concept basically details how human behavior can be divided into ‘host like behavior’ and ‘guest like behavior’ and how some people are more prone to be hosts/ guests no matter what the situation. I decided that in life, I want to play host. It makes me feel more secure, in control, comfortable and wanted.

BTW I truly truly enjoy watching Big Boss at all levels. For the sheer pleasure of witnessing the drama brought on by real life. To congratulate myself on being amongst those who can see thru all the instruments employed by Big Boss to ensure that there is enough drama (knowing fully well that everyone can!). And to be able to appreciate the sheer marketing genius. By the way my favorite has already been evicted. When I picked my favorite even I surprised myself. For those of you watching, any guesses?

Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said that it would be this hard

What is the opposite of black? Is it really white? Isn't there a distinction between extremes and opposites? Don't black and white have more in common than shades of gray?

I am comfortable with black and white. I can identify with both. They are what they are. They have no shades. They exist as absolutes. They stand for themselves. They are complete in their identity. They can look each other in the eye. They can negotiate with each other. They can co-exist. Within the same territory.

It is the gray which makes me uncomfortable. I have difficulty understanding it. The gray merges everything with it. It clouds vision. It tries to remove the boundaries. It tries unwittingly to establish a common ground. It grudges black and white their space. It makes everyone lose.

I like straight lines. Lines running parallel. Lines intersecting. Lines converging. Lines diverging.

What is the opposite of red?