Tonight ....We are young ...So let’s set the world on fire ....We can burn brighter than the sun

It is exactly 2 months away from my birthday. That point of time when there would be enthusiasm and hope and the setting of some goals. Mostly weight loss. And many thoughts on the dress to be worn.

This year, I am pregnant with my first child- so no weight loss goals for me. Which is a happy thing. I guess. But I think it would still be worth having a countdown - a countdown to some wishes,  some targets, some hope.

So here goes in no particular order:

Rediscovering that happy carefree place. Being less careful. More open. More forthright. Less flexible. Less fearful. Of being judged. Of rejection.

Making home. Truly home.

Letting go. Resolving. Settling.

Finding a new self. With parts of the old. The important bits.

Sharing my opinion.  And making decisions. On the mundane and the important. Rediscovering and respecting my choices. My decisions. My self.

Counting my blessings. And being more grateful.

And accepting that there will always be something more that I want. No matter what. And that that is okay.

When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you are alive.

The above image is a postcard from www.postsecret.blogspot.com

A close friend when her ex boyfriend resurfaced in her life began wondering if he was actually the one. This was a person who would have to try really hard to bring her to smile, but could still reduce her to tears in a single phone call. Her overwhelming response to him, ten years back and today made her wonder. He did stir up emotion in her the way few other people could. Even if it was an emotion that made her truly uncomfortable, gave her sleepless nights (not in a good way), and made her unhappy. She began considering that since he could affect her in the way he could maybe they were destined to be together. I reasoned with her that she couldn't be further from the truth. Relationships, specially the most defining ones, are meant to be effortless and happy. But then how could we explain the overwhelming response.

Pain, in the absence of anything else, is a truly powerful emotion. It makes you feel more alive than an ordinary average day. And it continues to make you feel at the center of the stage. Which brings to mind our constant need for drama. Emotional encounters, prolonged arguments, discussions on non existent issues - which get long, loud and dramatic.

While both pain and drama have their rightful space, their space should, in my mind, be limited to the role they play in being able to contrast the more happier emotions-everyday happiness in the little things. And when it is a matter of choice, especially if it a life defining decision and if you could debate on both sides of that argument, I say, let it go.

I've been awake for a while now, You've got me feelin' like a child now, 'Cause everytime I see your bubbly face, I get the tingles in a silly place

I believe in the power of belief. Yes, I believe in The Secret. I agree that we think our life before we live it. And we live it exactly as we imagine it. As we thought it. And in this way we really choose it. On retrospect it is even more evident.

I believe I am blessed and privileged for most part. I have my happy lenses. I am surrounded by friends and family whom I can trust blindly and with eyes wide open. I make friends easily. My human pyramid is well balanced. I mostly love what I do for a living. Always have. And more often than not, do it decently well.

And because I believe this, my life is pretty much a proof of this hypothesis. I have never had to struggle with people, work or life in general.

Now I tried to apply this, consciously, to the less effortless part of my life. And that's where there seems to be an issue. It is not so simple. You can't fake belief. I tried. It doesn't work. You can't consciously guide your conscience. You can't fool the gut. There is no room for Doubting Thomases. The way out seems to be in dealing with the Doubting Thomases. Solving for them. Removing the obstacles - real or imagined. Cleaning the cobwebs. And then making room for belief.

The kind of belief that is complete in itself. That unwavering belief that does not need you to touch a lot of wood. Belief that does not need logic as backup. Belief that does not look for signs to reaffirm.

If I can think it, then i can do it. If I just believe it, there's nothing to it , I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky

cause I'd get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs, as they tried to teach me how to dance

It's been a while since I posted. In fact it has been over a year, almost two and now I am here to claim my virtual real estate back. So all you Chinese herbal remedy vendors, bugger off from my comment section, and sell your wares somewhere else.

OK now let me get to the point. Yes, I do have something to say.

Most of us spend our lives trying to be responsible, trying to deduce the logic, try to make sense of our actions, trying to rationalize our behavior, trying to be polite, trying to get our spellings right, trying hard to color inside the lines.

The other day I was thinking, that all of the above could be learnt. In fact it is what we are continuously taught and intern teach. What can't be learnt is actually quite the opposite.

To act from the gut, to be irresponsible, to act irrationally, to say what you feel, to think out loud, to not suppress the ‘kida’ inside. To color outside the lines.

You can learn, whenever you want, to color inside the lines. So for as long as you will, enjoy coloring outside!

que sera sera, whatever will be will be, the future's not ours to see

lemontree is chasing harry winston. lemontree went to khan market with oil in her hair. lemontree wants her sitcom back. lemontree is dealing with the next five - one at a time. lemontree is looking for a sign. lemontree likes the sound of fatum. lemontree is on a flight with deepika pudokone - she is not that tall. lemontree's cell died on her. - she missed the call - everything happens for a reason. lemontree is thinking goa, singapore or the us of a. lemontree is fighting addiction. lemontree is enjoying sunday with her little brother. lemontree is connecting the dots. lemontree is looking for her lenses. lemontree is living on a prayer.

wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin', plannin' and dreamin'

since it's that time of the year when everyone is in high spirits and you can actually feel the hope not just outside but even inside of you i thought of making a few wishes

i wish for a little bit of music
i wish i discover some favourite books
i wish for shona a bundle of blue
i wish for ananya memories of pink
i wish for additions to my fun vocabulory
i wish to temper my enthusiasm with grace
i wish to become friends with the scale
i wish to redefine the scale
i wish to find my eluding someone
i wish i discover another world
i wish for myself self respect
and i wish i don't let it come in the way of family, friends and love

unbelievable sights, indescribable feeling, soaring, tumbling, freewheeling... a whole new world

It's been a while since Quicksilver and Iris both tagged me to write 8 random facts about me. And since I am back to blogging and enjoying it and am motivated by Pink's take on the same let me not waste anymore time .

To begin with let me proclaim Quicksilver and Iris as Queen of the Universe. And now the 8 facts.

1) I cannot file and paint my nails on my own. I need expert help.

2) I cannot cannot wait on a traffic light. Red/ Yellow/ Green, Cop/ No Cop I just have to go.

3) I am extremely shallow in my choice of men. I like the good looking ones. They make me feel like a girl.

4) I am completely weight corrupted. I cannot eat chole bhature without guilt.

5) I am not extremely fond of dogs and kids. Only Warney and Ananya.

6) I feel completely lost and vulnerable if I don't have a book to read and a cd to watch. No such thing with music.

7) 4 out of 5 times I would wear lipstick and remove it.

8) I cannot remember ways and my spellings suck.

What I mean :

1) My sister spoilt me growing up. She always painted my nails. And now I have to pay.

2) I am extremely patient otherwise.

3) I am thinking about the children.

4) Somebody please order chole bhature for lunch.

5) I would love you, if you are mine.

6) I cannot admit to being dependent on people. Only inanimate objects.

7) And that is the intended look.

8) Thank god for spell check.

Then there were doors that wouldn't open unless in you asked politely, or tickled them in exactly the right place, and doors that weren't doors at all

56 days back I turned 30. Which essentially means that I have nothing more to fear and that this post is way overdue. Last year I had made some wishes (six to be exact). Here's an update on what unfolded. And yes I am keeping score.

The sense of freedom to push the limits and do some completely wild things
This is where I surprised myself the most. The wild thing I had in mind was replaced for a completely different wilder thing. Of all the things that money can buy, this is the very best.

The curiosity to explore a new interest
I think I should reword it as the confidence to explore a new dimension. And for the first time all my networking profiles are complete with pictures. ( I know silly old me)

The will power to stand the test of time and change that one thing
When I wrote this I really meant two things. One was to find the new equilibrium in an old defining friendship. Balance has been restored and a new enjoyable equation is in order.
The other was to win my fourteen-year-old battle with the bulge. The battle continues and will probably join me in my grave, but I think it can be said that a few rounds have definitely been declared in my favor.

Restfulness in spirit to enjoy some moments of self sought solitude
No complaints on this count

The innocence/ experience to trust family and friendships blindly
Even better has been the experience of seeing things for what they are, staring them in the face and loving them with eyes wide open

A personal witness to everything in life- the good things, the bad things, the special, the mundane
And while I still await my frog, there is a newfound enthusiasm for discovering a few princes on the way

Lemontree

Mostly unreasonable & generally happy

You've already won me over in spite of me, And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet

I love having endless cups of tea in office. I like having a cup right after lunch. Sometimes I feel guilty and switch to coffee, just to give Madan (the office boy) more variety.

Have being having a busy and fun time. The other day in the middle of the hustle bustle, a long lost cousin, whom I was never particularly close to called and downloaded. Was having some trouble and wanted an ear, a shoulder and a heart. I was willing to drop everything and be there. Learnt an important lesson. So many times we feel all alone. And very lonely. And really all we have to do is ask for help- pick up the phone and call. Ironically, amongst the hardest things to do for most of us is to make that call.

Extra ordinary people are completely capable of having ordinary needs. Unreasonable requests come from reasonable people.

The picture above has been captured by Taraa. You can read her at www.randomangst.blogspot.com. T, I couldn't wait. Hope it's ok.

From the archives

The other day I was asked if you were dependent on me. And my immediate response was 'yes, ofcourse, sure.'

And now I, 'the independent one' reflect. When I miss: my advisory role, from career direction to word selection, my constantly being on standby 'just incase' and my imagined veto power on your any and every deicison. Did I, the person who subtly gaurded her independence, not become the one more dependent. Dependent on your dependence.